1985

-the year I was born

-the number of podcasts episodes I have that still need to be listened to...

Is Harry going to die?

This question has been poking and taunting Harry Potter fans for several years now. But here we are, a mere two months from the answer, and I am rather nervous about it to be perfectly frank. After the stunt Rowling pulled in Half-Blood Prince (anyone who has read the book knows what I'm talking about) anything is possible at the moment. But, for time-wasting's sake I present a prediction, or two...or three (maybe even ten).

-------July 13 2007:
(1) Order of the Phoenix turns out to be most satisfactory blockbuster/"sequel" among the botched bunch of 2007.

-------July 21 2007:
(2) Harry Potter dies.

(3) Neville dies.

(4) Ron and Hermione profess their love for each other, get married (during battle), explicitly consummate it (during battle) and then die. (ha, just kidding...........they live and she's pregnant and they vow to name their child Harry, boy or girl).

(5) Voldemort (bless his black soul) is a goner as well. But only after he confesses that he is Harry's real father. Harry starts to cry, Voldemort starts to cry, they hug, Harry chokes Voldemort, then Harry commits suicide by wand (see #2).

(6) The only person who lives (for sure) is Ginny. I mean, where's the drama without a damsel in distress left behind, huh? Last page of book:

"Hermione, I'm pregnant," said Ginny. "And I think its Harry's."

"You think its Harry's?" questions Hermione.

The end.

-------July 2010:
(7) J.K. Rowling publishes Harry Potter, Jr and the Philosopher's Boulder.

-------July 2021:
(8) Seven books/movies later: Harry Potter, Jr and the Horny Hallows:
Draco Malfoy to Harry Potter, Jr: "I am your father!"
Draco Malfoy to Harry Weasley (a girl): "I am your father!"
Ron to Hermione: "I knew it! Her and her white hair!"
Hermione to Ron: "It was an accident!"
Snape to Hermione: "I am your father!"
Harry Weasley to Harry Potter, Jr: "I'm pregnant."

The end.

-------July 2030:
(9) The workings of Harry Malfoy-Potter the First and the Philosopher's Planet are found charred and burning under the charred, burning, and assassinated body of J.K. Rowling in the tower of her Hogwart's Castle looming 2500 ft. over Oxfordshire, England.

-------July 3000:
(10) James Cameron (having found Jesus' Tomb, the Tree of Life, and Middle Earth) is still thriving physically and financially at 146 years. He finds Platform 9 and 3/4, but dies soon there after due to head trauma caused by constantly running into brick walls on the off chance that he'd make it through. His body is thrown into the ocean, but his heart goes on.

-------
You'll see. That is what is going to happen. All in due course, my friends. All in due course.

youtubeshot:the lord of the weed

Yes, more Lord of the Rings stuff...in German! You can't understand what they are saying (which I think may be a good thing). I haven't finished it yet--I'm only about 7 minutes into it--but so far its pretty darn funny.

28 Weeks Later (2007)

While I sit around and lazily avoid writing about Pirates, here is my "cheat" review of 28 Weeks Later:

Mark Kermode and his quick lips of fire!



"Next." - Mark

"That's just extraordinary this...its a work of genius." - Simon

-------
-And now, go listen to Sam and Adam argue about it (its always best when they argue) at the Filmspotting.net Podcast.

Poor Sam missed the boat...

new "features" ------->

2007 film chronicle - what I've been watching

film review archive - I don't have time to write about every film I see, so I'm setting this up so I can score them without writing much (if anything) on them. Since editing this, I have changed a few of my film scores in order to better fit into the developed ripped-off structure (thank you Jeffrey Overstreet).

music recommendations - I am a soundtrack whore. I'll update this whenever I go out and pay to get laid (by the music, of course) or happen to be getting the mentioned euphoric service from the soundtracks I already own.

book recommendations - This will rarely get updated because I rarely have time to read, but when I do read something that I like or remember having read something that I liked, I will put it in here. I rarely finish reading something I am not enjoying, so those that I put in here are recommendations, and any "must-reads" will be marked clearly.

i've been robbed!!!

I'm not sure if the theaters are trying to make my Pirates of the Caribbean experience actually feel more Piratey, but since when did it become legal to show a film before its release day? I treasure my midnight showings. The film could be a gawd-awfully smelly hunk of monkey crap, I never really care (although excellent films are an added bonus). It is the midnight showing experience that I actually go for. The communal buzz is infectious. It makes the film going experience more of a festival than an art gallery.

But now, to my horror, I have discovered that the theaters are showing 8:00, 8:15, 9:00, 9:45, and 10:00 o'clock showings before the midnight showing! This is...catastrophic! Sure, the buzz will still be there, but it won't be as strong and we won't be "the first" in our region. Not only that, but we'll hear all about the movie from the people walking out as we sit in line and wait to go in. Booooo!

*insert initial tremor of inspirational speech music here* The theaters have jumped our ship and stolen our treasure!!! Those filthy, greedy, piratey scumbags! We shall fight back! We shall fight to the death! *music swells* We shall stay our course *music swells some more* and not abandon our precious ship of ritual. Join me my fellow crazies and protest this monstrous and deceitful act. Grab your loins, laddies, let us hunt some theater managers!!! *insert "fields of pelennor" charge music here*

*grabs loins* Chaaarrge!!

***DISCLAIMER UPDATE***
It was 4 in the morning. Forgive me.

Jackass: The Movie (2002)

Absolutely mindless, disgusting, and crass...but brilliant.

I mean think about it. The entire movie is just a high-on-crack and caffeinated version of your typical American college guy's dormitory. How many college guys living in dorms are there in America? Alot. And how many middle-aged men are there in America wishing they were back in their college dormitories. Again, alot. There is a huge market for this type of sadistic buffoonery. Even women want in on the gag. Maybe not alot of women, but more than you might think. Most just don't want to admit their suppressed curiousity and scoff at our stupidity.

But is this form of "male-bonding" really stupid? Ya, most of it is. I can't think of anything more stupid than trying to tight-rope your way across alligator infested waters with meat stuffed in your underwear. And much of Jackass: The Movie is stupid stuff like that. But I enjoyed myself.

I won't try and justify it. Some of what these guys do is clearly unethical (terrorizing your family can only go so far) and yet the self-inflicted pain scenes are exhilarating. The intensity and discomfort of paper-cuts is brought to the screen full-throttle and the resulting feeling is a mixture of euphoria and horror. I laughed, I cried, I closed my eyes in discomfort several times, and I found immense pleasure in my pumped-and-revved-up state afterwards.

Like Rodriguez's Planet Terror, Jackass: The Movie is masochistic and gratuitous at times. But I enjoyed myself and actually wish I could have been a part of the empty glory. Determine from that what psychosis you will...

B-

one of the more "tame" scenes:

what's worse than losing a limb while bathing in a vat of liquified salt??

--One Tivo-less TV.
--One On-the-Lot premiere.
--And a grandmother addicted to Dancing With the Stars.

...all in the same house, all at the same time...

Frick!

icky rockstar bird

The White Stripes have a new album coming out June 18! AHH! This is awesome schnizzle! The first White Stripes song I heard was Seven Nation Army nearly 4 years ago and I have been in love with them ever since. The husband and wife duo have a very unique style and avoid recording with modern technology, but interestingly this tactic doesn't make their music sound outdated, but refreshingly original. It just sounds very, very cool. They sound like a four or five person band, but its just the two of them bringing their grinding pieces to fruition.

Their promotional song for their new album is Icky Thump, a song that leans on their familiar thick marching beat. I put in the playlist (-->) so you can listen to it if your wittle heart so desires...

-------
I saw 28 Weeks Later this weekend (my "cheat" review is to come) and it reminded me how much I enjoyed John Murphy's soundtrack from 28 Days Later, its prequel. His "rock band" music is back again in 28 Weeks Later and is just as fitting as ever. The film's theme song "In the House - In a Heartbeat" is in the playlist (-->)...if your wittle heart so desires.

-------
more eclecticism:
Last year I heard that Sufjan Stevens was going on tour. So I went to find out where, and alas, he was coming to Los Angeles...but the bastard had already sold out all 3 of his shows. I didn't cry, yet, but I was thoroughly bummed. A few weeks after his show though I came across a video of one of his performances. I watched it, and that's when I cried (figuratively). I missed out on a song he presented for the first time during the tour. The song, Majesty Snowbird, is incredibly beautiful. The quality in the video isn't that great because it is from a portable camcorder, so it gets a bit shrilly and has the atmosphere of a failing high school talent show performance at times. But just wait until it comes out on disc in full fledged surround sound. Angels are anticipating the day.

Majesty Snowbird - Sufjan Stevens

effective living

"Get wisdom, get understanding;
do not forget my words or swerve from them." - Proverbs 4:5

I am just now beginning to understand the power of being intentional about the things that I do. My life up until now has merely been a string of circumstances, some good, some not so good, but all of which "just happened". Instead of taking responsibility for my actions, I have made a habit of pulling the "God's will"-card whenever I feel like I have lost control of something. And I usually, conveniently "lose control" when things aren't going well. That way, I don't have to take responsibility for my part in the equation of life. I just hand all the power over to God and say "Oh well, Your will be done"--a passive shift of responsibility.

But I think I get it now. God's will isn't so much an inescapable plan for my life as it is an optional source, or blueprint, that I have the choice of tapping into. When I accept his blueprint on which to create my life, the result is nothing short of majestic. An effective and beautiful way of living emerges gloriously like a sunrise in a world of darkness.

"The path of righteousness is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
But the way of the wicked is like the deep darkness;
they do not know what makes them stumble." - Proverbs 4:18-19

I have not been righteous. I stumble often. And that isn't an accident. That is what I have chosen. In Proverbs 4:5 Solomon writes, "Get wisdom, get knowledge." If I want wisdom, if I want knowledge, I have to actually to go and get it and not sit around hoping that maybe someday it will just fall in my lap: "Hello, I am wisdom!"

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe describes what happens when we pursue righteousness:

"The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred...unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way."

God's will doesn't "just happen". I have to choose it. The guy next to me has to choose it. Everyone on the planet has to choose it. And when just one person chooses to build their life according to the blueprints of God, beautiful things happen and his glory shines through, piercing the darkness like a new sun, a new day.

I choose righteousness.

youtubeshot:perpetuum mobile

by the Penguin Cafe Orchestra, BBC, 1989

youtube shot (healthier than coffee, I assure you.)

righteous commercial.



homo show.



safe cocaine.

DOOMSDAY: really now...

...5 years to save the world...

(I am going to be labeling all of my global warming posts "doomsday" from now on. I won't say much about whatever links, pictures, or quotes that I post because (1) I think they speak for themselves and (2) I'll start ranting insanely if I so much as begin to cogitate the evils of socialist-liberalism and its doom and gloom philosophies.)

Grindhouse (2007)

What is it with Robert Rodriguez and testicles??

One of the main things that kept me from liking his Sin City was it's s-exploitability (particularly how women were portrayed). Sure, some of it was visually appealing and sometimes funny/disgusting during movie (who doesn't find some sort of satisfaction in seeing an evil, yellow creature get his manhood ripped from his body?) , but in the end you have to ask yourself, "Was that completely even minutely necessary?" It all really sums up to nothing but a crutch to appeal the juvenile in people like me. Although not nearly (as in miles away, but still there) as strongly as with Sin City, I felt similarly uneasy after Planet Terror, Rodriquez's first half installment in the double feature movie event Grindhouse.

I almost feel bad bringing up the negative first because I enjoyed the movie for the most part, but I feel worse because I cannot recommend the movie to very many people because of it's overtly twisted sexuality. If Sin City had been any good, I would have had the same problem recommending it, but it wasn't any good, so there was no problem there. But now we have Planet Terror: a good movie with a little bit of the same tendencies of Sin City that make you ponder the mental stability of the director. This makes it so much more difficult to talk positively about the film with that glaring discrepancy, but there were many positives amidst its few negatives, and therefore I am giving Rodriguez the benefit of the doubt this time because I had such a good time with his raucous, bloody concoction.

So with all that wishful "why testicles?" thinking aside, Planet Terror was an excellent, yet absolutely absurd, horror adventure. I wasn't expecting it to be quite as scary as it was. I jumped a few times, and held my breath in others. I probably found too much joy in the splatter festivities. When a prominent and gusto character unexpectedly gets blown to smithereens towards the end, I laughed harder than when Dory spoke whale in Disney's Finding Nemo four years ago...and that is saying alot. Rodriguez keeps the story moving forward so your mind never has a chance to wander. His film is a satisfying "on-purpose" blend of ridiculousness and seriousness that pays tribute to the "on-accident" blend of ridiculousness and seriousness characteristic of the first taboo, rebellious horror flicks of the twentieth century.

If you can handle a movie bloodier than anything you ever seen before, than I cautiously recommend it. It is a funny, often hilarious, over-the-top gritty film that packs enough punches to make a jock feel queasy and an emo-kid laugh. Otherwise, if you can't handle blood and the crushing, ripping, dropping, obliterating, eating, or cutting of body parts (some of which were never meant to see the light of day or roll across the wet asphalt of night) than avoid it with every fiber of your being. It is as bad as you can possibly imagine it to be, and it is as pointless and juvenile as that which it is paying homage.

-------

Quentin Tarantino. Death Proof. First of all, like before, let's get the negative out of the way. Tarantino needs a major mouth washing. I can deal with curse words. I use them sometimes, but seriously...the lip of some of the characters was exhausting, if not an all out verbal raping of my now not so virgin ears...

But...with that out of the way, Tarantino is a bloody genius. Where Planet Terror thrived off of the constant adrenaline rush of something happening, Death Proof thrives off the constant adrenaline of "nothing" happening. Like the calm before a storm, his film blows gusts of uneasiness our way, taunting us with the careful patience of the perpetrator just waiting to drop the giant rains and winds of chaos on an unexpecting town of commoners minding their own business.

I loved Death Proof.

The crackling dialogue and flowing cinematography had me giggling like a school girl. There is a scene in which the group of women are sitting in a diner talking, and the camera is continually moving around them. The technical challenge behind a scene like that dumbfounds me, and the result is simply enthralling. The car chase nearly made me crap my pants, both in the excitement of it all and the pure horror at the fact that what I was watching was for the most part actually happening. I wonder how many documents that girl had to sign that said "If you die, that's your fault, your family and/or dog cannot sue us." I'm glad she signed them, because her dramatic tango with death was great fun!

The ending of Death Proof was just too good to be true. I kept asking the person next to me if that actually just happened. He said it did, but I still don't believe him. Darn. Guess I have to go see it again...just to make sure...

Anyone?

Planet Terror: B
Death Proof: A-

P.S. There were fake trailers in between the two films, but the only one I remember specifically is Don't because it was funny.

flattery, gas, and chirpy, chirpy, birdie par

I went to the union yesterday to get some papers filled out for work. The union representative said I look like Sanjaya.

"Who?" I said.

"Sanjaya," he said. "You know...that kid on American Idol."

"Who...I don't watch the show....?"

"Mr. Mohawk..."

"Oooh!...Really?"

"Ya, and you talk like him." (Gee, thanks. So I know I still have yet to hit puberty, but really now...)

Oh well, I am slightly flattered, I admit. We're alike in so many ways. He thinks too highly of himself. I think too highly of myself. I can't sing, and neither can he. He talks like Michael Jackson, he is unsure of himself, and he makes things awkward.

...alike in so many ways...

-------

In other off-the-cuff news today, I am going to try and stop peeling my nails. Unfortunately, that adventure looks dim and daunting because we don't have "Nail Peelers Anonymous" here in Orange County. I'm not sure I have the will power to withstand my urges. But I shall try somewhat valiantly to conquer this self-destructive behavior and put this phase of my life behind me like a trail of pestilent flatulence.

-------

I was watching golf on Sunday, which I rarely do, but it was on. And decided it was time to actually find out what a "birdie" is...

Bill Nye (the science guy): "DID YOU KNOW???"

birdie: a score of one stroke under par on a hole.
(thank you dictionary.com)

Um...what's "par"?

par: the number of strokes set as a standard for a specific hole or a complete course.
(thank you dictionary.com)

Bill Nye (the science guy): "NOW YOU KNOW!!!"

and just for kicks:

because its abba...

...that's why.

according to our friendly neighborhood environmental nazis...

traveling is a sin:
http://travel.guardian.co.uk/article/2007/may/06/travelnews.climatechange?print

you are a virus:
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21684156-5009760,00.html

your babies are bad for the environment:
http://www.businessandmedia.org/articles/2007/20070506180903.aspx

the shins

Check them out if you haven't heard of them. Here they are in all their freakish glory:



How can you not listen to a band with a promotional photo like that?

Suggestions: Sleeping Lessons (see playlist --->), A Comet Appears, We Will Become Silhouettes, and Girl Inform Me

Dunst admits sins against humanity...

Ok, I am only joking. Her acting isn't that bad. I did like her in Eternal Sunshine and Marie Antoinette, but the fact that she has come right out and blatantly admitted (bad, bad idea) her lack of believability leaves one to ponder how much effort she actually puts into her job. She has now officially wiped off the on-and-off again "ditz" ink stamp on her forehead and replaced it with a permanent tattoo. She just doesn't seem to get it. There is something airy about her. Her success seems like an accident or an elaborate joke to be revealed by some mischievous, snickering angels in heaven.

But who knows, she could just be hot.

"I just forgive myself for bad acting when it comes to those things." - Kirsten Dunst, in reference to the "blue-screen stuff"

across the universe

"Music is the only thing that makes any sense anymore man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay."

I saw this trailer in front of The Hoax this weekend. The music blew me away. Although aesthetically a pleasant ripoff of Moulin Rouge, I am apprehensive about the movie as a whole because it wreaks with irresponsible hippie attitudes. But I am 100% sure that I'll be buying the soundtrack the day it comes out. I love the Beatles, and these renditions of their songs are beyond beautiful, particularly "Hey Jude" (my second favorite Beatles song behind "Yellow Submarine").

So stoked.

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better."

"mutt"

My cracker friends tease me
because I am whiter than they.
I get called "brotha" on the street
and I don't know what to say.
Oreo I may be.
A betrayal for all the world to see.
But it's not my fault, brotha,
That I had a white mother.
There's no changing or erasing
the mutt that is me.


I wrote that in a journal entry for one of my classes at school. Haha.